Memorial services are a good way for the elderly to share their grief, consider their lives and consider how they would like to be remembered when it is time for their memorial service. If you are providing a memorial service, you need to be sensitive to this. It should be dignified, special without detracting from the focus on those being memorialized and meet the needs of the attendees and the expectations of those who are being memorialized.
Friends of residents may go to the hospital and either not return for a long time or pass at the hospital. Often this is kept "confidential" by staff concerned about HIPAA. Memorial services allow for a time and place for residents ti find out who has passed. Those who do not wish to know these things, need not attend the service. The memorial service offers a community ritual for the transition from friends being a part of lives creating new memories and that time when all we have of our passed friends is the memories created in the past. This chance to say goodbye and recognize that our friends live on in our shared memories helps in grieving normally. Being informed of the passing of hospitalized friends and having a memorial service brings a sense of normalcy and agency in the world to residents who otherwise may feel left out of important parts of life. It helps residents to know that their friends will be informed and they will be remembered in this way after they have passed. To bring these benefits, regularity is important in scheduling.
For those who are not trained as pastors or preachers, the next challenge may be to develop a service that has the proper tone. These do not need to be varied from service to sevice much, nor do they need to be particularly entertaining. Familiar formats and elements actually help mourners to focus as they will normally do on the internal processes of grieving. Consistency will make it easier for those who may attend many of these services. Assertions that the deceased will be remembered with examples of how this is so will help. References to the after-life and pleasant visions of being embraced by the Holy Spirit and the ending of earthly suffering are traditional. Avoid crosses, stars of David, Buddhist wheels, Sikhist daggers, redstone pipes, eagle feathers, or other particular religious symbols unless you can present all of those that might apply to those deceased and present at the service. However, indications of the Spirit's presence such as candles, incense or water is general enough to focus attendees of all faiths on their particular version of that Spirit and their understanding of the Spirit's role in this transition.
For those interested in this kind of service and do not want to create an original one, a sample service might be:
MEMORIAL SERVICE
Welcome with appropriate music (Faure's Pavane for example)
Opening Hymn: “Amazing Grace” (In the Garden, or some other hymn that many know well if not by heart)
1. Amazing Grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now I am found, was blind but now I see.
3. Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come.
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.
4. Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the vail, a life of joy and peace.
Meditation (read by the leader)
Today we gather to remember those who no longer live and breath among us. However, they were here, they touched our world and our lives in so many ways that they never leave us...
Reading: We Remember Them (Pastor or Resident Reading)
At the rising of the sun and at its going down We remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and the chill of winter We remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring We remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer We remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn We remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.
(from the Jewish Book of Prayer)
Lighting the candle (or some other symbolic act of invoking the Spirit)
Reading of the names (of those who have passed)
A Prayer for Souls
Eternal light,shine into our hearts.
Eternal goodness, deliver us from evil.
Eternal power, be our support.
Eternal wisdom. Scatter the darkness of our ignorance.
Eternal Pity, have mercy upon us,
that with all of our hear and mind and soul and strength
we may seek your face
and be brought be infinite mercy
to your holy presence,
at the end of your gift called life.
Hymn “Children of the Heavenly Father” (or other hymn that is more well known such as In the Garden)
1. Children of the heavenly Father safely in his bosom gather.
Nestling bird nor star in heaven suc a refuge e'er was given
2. God his own doth tend and nourish, in his holy courts they flourish.
From all evil things he spares them, in his mighty arms he bears them.
3. Neither life nor death shall ever from the Lord his children sever.
Unto them his grace he showeth, and their sorrows all he knoweth
4. Though he giveth or he taketh, God his children ne'er forsaketh.
His the love purpose solely to preserve them pure and holy
Benediction (leader )
Go with the memories of those who are now safe in the embrace of God! Go in wholeness, with the love of those gone, and in peace.
Friends of residents may go to the hospital and either not return for a long time or pass at the hospital. Often this is kept "confidential" by staff concerned about HIPAA. Memorial services allow for a time and place for residents ti find out who has passed. Those who do not wish to know these things, need not attend the service. The memorial service offers a community ritual for the transition from friends being a part of lives creating new memories and that time when all we have of our passed friends is the memories created in the past. This chance to say goodbye and recognize that our friends live on in our shared memories helps in grieving normally. Being informed of the passing of hospitalized friends and having a memorial service brings a sense of normalcy and agency in the world to residents who otherwise may feel left out of important parts of life. It helps residents to know that their friends will be informed and they will be remembered in this way after they have passed. To bring these benefits, regularity is important in scheduling.
For those who are not trained as pastors or preachers, the next challenge may be to develop a service that has the proper tone. These do not need to be varied from service to sevice much, nor do they need to be particularly entertaining. Familiar formats and elements actually help mourners to focus as they will normally do on the internal processes of grieving. Consistency will make it easier for those who may attend many of these services. Assertions that the deceased will be remembered with examples of how this is so will help. References to the after-life and pleasant visions of being embraced by the Holy Spirit and the ending of earthly suffering are traditional. Avoid crosses, stars of David, Buddhist wheels, Sikhist daggers, redstone pipes, eagle feathers, or other particular religious symbols unless you can present all of those that might apply to those deceased and present at the service. However, indications of the Spirit's presence such as candles, incense or water is general enough to focus attendees of all faiths on their particular version of that Spirit and their understanding of the Spirit's role in this transition.
For those interested in this kind of service and do not want to create an original one, a sample service might be:
MEMORIAL SERVICE
Welcome with appropriate music (Faure's Pavane for example)
Opening Hymn: “Amazing Grace” (In the Garden, or some other hymn that many know well if not by heart)
1. Amazing Grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now I am found, was blind but now I see.
3. Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come.
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.
4. Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the vail, a life of joy and peace.
Meditation (read by the leader)
Today we gather to remember those who no longer live and breath among us. However, they were here, they touched our world and our lives in so many ways that they never leave us...
Reading: We Remember Them (Pastor or Resident Reading)
At the rising of the sun and at its going down We remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and the chill of winter We remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring We remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer We remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn We remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.
(from the Jewish Book of Prayer)
Lighting the candle (or some other symbolic act of invoking the Spirit)
Reading of the names (of those who have passed)
A Prayer for Souls
Eternal light,shine into our hearts.
Eternal goodness, deliver us from evil.
Eternal power, be our support.
Eternal wisdom. Scatter the darkness of our ignorance.
Eternal Pity, have mercy upon us,
that with all of our hear and mind and soul and strength
we may seek your face
and be brought be infinite mercy
to your holy presence,
at the end of your gift called life.
Hymn “Children of the Heavenly Father” (or other hymn that is more well known such as In the Garden)
1. Children of the heavenly Father safely in his bosom gather.
Nestling bird nor star in heaven suc a refuge e'er was given
2. God his own doth tend and nourish, in his holy courts they flourish.
From all evil things he spares them, in his mighty arms he bears them.
3. Neither life nor death shall ever from the Lord his children sever.
Unto them his grace he showeth, and their sorrows all he knoweth
4. Though he giveth or he taketh, God his children ne'er forsaketh.
His the love purpose solely to preserve them pure and holy
Benediction (leader )
Go with the memories of those who are now safe in the embrace of God! Go in wholeness, with the love of those gone, and in peace.
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